I don’t know if there’s a word for this. It’s the feeling you get when you are very far away from where you belong, and the people back there, friends, families, acquaintances, strangers you imagine when you close your eyes, they are all hurting and struggling and even dying. And you want to help but you cannot. And you are safe, much more safe because this world is upside down and falling apart.
I sense anger building up in me and then I fall into sadness and this nameless feeling that I am trying to describe. And then I try not to make it about myself and just watch things burn, and take it all in, because maybe that is the least I can do. Share the pain. Because it is quite easy to switch off the screen and walk away.
In the last decade or so I have felt helpless and distraught many many times. But this new nameless emotion is recent, and I don’t know what to do with it.